Dear Carol,
I need some advice if that is possible. I just became a phone sex operator two or three weeks ago and need some help. I can get guys to pick me but I'm having trouble keeping them on the line for very long. It's like, one could last for 25 minutes, the next one 1 minute. I do not want to lose my job because of this (there's a talk time quota because the guys pay by the minute). I have a very sexy voice which attracts a lot of the callers, but I guess I'm just not too good on the details. Which one of your books would you recommend to help me with the lingo I need to use and to draw out the callers' wants and expectations? It seems that over half of them already have a hard-on and don't seem to last very long... HELP!!

-- Beth

Dear Beth,
First, I want you to stop worrying that you're not doing a good job because guys come so quickly when they get on the phone with you. Plenty of men just don't last very long (Kinsey said the median time to masturbated orgasm in men was 3-point-something fifty years ago, and those fellows didn't have access to your sexy voice!). When I worked in the peep show I noticed men spending quality time in the cheaper porn movie booths and then rushing over to the booth where I was waiting to talk live (but for more money). I was puzzled by this until I did the math; a guy could save a few bucks by getting himself turned on before he started paying $5 for three minutes. Many of your callers may be doing the same: getting hot and bothered, dialing the phone, and saving a little cash.

None of this will assuage your employer, of course. They want you to keep callers on the line by hook or by crook. And of course your own paycheck depends on this, so it's also in your own best interest to lengthen that "pause that refreshes." Here's what I'd suggest: Since you asked about my books, I won't feel too modest to recommend Exhibitionism for the Shy, which includes a couple of chapters on erotic talk plus an appendix full of dirty words for you to use to vary your phone-line patter. We don't want you to get bored! You might also find the last chapter helpful, which involves talking to partners about adding new kinds of play into your relationship. Now, these guys aren't your partners, except maybe for a minute, but the actual communication in a sex work negotiation is not so very different from talking to a lover; it's the emotional connection that is most different. There are also a few more books about phone sex floating around, and any of these might be helpful to you, or at least make you feel like you're not the only one. I believe Magdalena Meretrix's guide for sex workers, Turning Pro, includes a phone sex chapter, and that whole book is interesting because Meretrix has done so many different kinds of sex industry work.

Before adding more words, though, I would recommend that you prepare in two specific ways: augment your collection of fantasies and stories you can tell, and draw out your callers so you get them talking more. If you're just rapping along in your sexy voice, a caller might go a little too fast because he gets so stimulated. If you're taking him down a path that makes him curious about how the story will end up, he might stay on the phone longer. As I discuss in Exhibitionism for the Shy, you can watch porn and narrate the plot (if any, ahem!); read erotica and tell the story back to the caller, possibly putting yourself in the lead and using first-person language; or, if you don't feel it's too personal, you can tell tales (or fantasies) from your own copious experience. If you don't feel your experience is copious enough, try checking out Violet Blue's anthology Taboo or other erotic books that can give you ideas and maybe charge up your own fantasy life.

You might also want to stay attuned to signs that the guy is very aroused, like breathing or vocal changes, and if you get that impression, actually tone down your language a bit... make it a little less explicit, because hot language will make some people come just like that.

The other side of Scheherezade is getting your guy to pipe up, because if he's talking, he may be a little distracted from his pending orgasm. Not that it won't be erotic: actually, he'll enjoy his climax more if he waits longer than the usual three-point-whatever. Aside from that, he'll be giving you clues to his own fantasies. Listen for those; use the words and scenarios right back at him, and he may prove to be better than just a slow customer, he may turn into a regular.

Good luck! Hey, are there any phone sex-experienced readers out there who want to weigh in with your own tips? I'll collect them in a future column.